De aquí o de allá?

De aquí o de alla?
(From here or there?)

Every time a situation comes in life we let it affect us or we let it change who we are; yet life is full of surprises and changes. In my life there were many situations that changed me completely such as moving to another country and having to adapt to the new rules, culture and language. It was hard to adapt because it was something new for me and because I was different from everyone else; I was treated differently. I had to fight different battles that life made me face and learn from what was around me needing to adapt to a culture that wasn’t mine.

Who are you?
“If you want to be American speak “American”. If you don’t like it, go back to Mexico where you belong” (Anzaldua pg. 249)
When I was in middle school I was stereotyped by the way I looked. Simply because I was brown people already assumed I was Mexican. They would come up to me and ask “De que parte de Mexico eres?” (What part of Mexico are you from?). I would firmly tell them I’m not from Mexico I’m from Guatemala, yet I was treated differently because I wasn’t like them. It was hard because they were the only ones who spoke Spanish at school. I had to change the way I spoke and be more like them to be accepted, which was difficult because I had to learn their culture and language, and I was starting to forget my own culture. Once I got to high school I started hanging out with “white” people more and they would make fun of me because of the way I talked. If I mispronounce a word they would laugh and tell me “Go back to Mexico you beaner”. These words would affect me and make me realize I wasn’t like the rest of them; it made me doubt on who I was. These comments made me push myself in school and prove to everyone that even though I wasn’t from this culture I could still belong in it. Later I learned to not get affected in any way by the comments that my “friends” would make. It didn’t affect me anymore because I was adapting to their culture and the way they were.

Two roads which should I take?
“I was spending time with my new Caucasian friends and learning new values that clashed with those of my parents” (Wakatsuki 4¶).
Living in two different countries with different cultures confused me in who I was because outside of home I would act like my friends. I wished to go out whenever I wanted, but at home I was a different boy. I would follow whatever my parents would tell me and be a nice kid to them; I was someone that they were always proud of. A few years later my parents saw that I was changing, that I was acting more like my “white friends”. I wouldn’t listen to them anymore; I wouldn’t care if I was doing badly in school or if I didn’t do any of my work or chores at home. Then one day my parents sat me down in the living room and told me how they had seen a change in my life. They began to express how they felt pointing out that it seemed I had lost the family values and I had begun to live two different lives which was affecting me because I didn’t know who I was anymore. I remember my dad telling me that even though we were in another country and the culture and values were different, I still had to follow the culture and the values that were thought to me growing up. At the beginning I was bothered by the fact that they wanted me to be in a different country but live with concept of a different culture, our original culture. This caused a lot of tension in my family because my sister and I shared the same mentality which our parents saw as a problem. They wanted us to follow certain traditions that the family had but we didn’t agree to because we didn’t see ourselves as they are. After talking to my parents many times they finally realized that my sister and I had a point, we couldn’t be like them because we were being raised in a different culture and society. Even though my parents agree to let me be part of a society that they don’t believe in, I still try to follow their values at home and act in accordance to their teachings because although it may bother them that I act differently outside, being at home I give them the respect they deserve.

Have you decided?
“Now I just entertain according to how I feel that day, if my Japanese sensibility is stronger, I act accordingly and feel comfortable. If I feel like going all-American, I can do that, too, and feel comfortable” (Wakatsuki ¶19).
After living through these problems I had to decide what to do, who I was going to be; I decided to live a double life. I would have the values of my parents but also live the culture of the country which I live in and had a hard time adapting to. I had decided what to do and what to become. I learned to live through the day and be whoever I wanted to be. I know I have two cultures which I accept but also I know I can control both of them and be who I want to be no matter what. I have to become who I want to be in life. I’m not going to let someone or a culture decide my future because it’s up to me to be whoever I want.
Even if you don’t know or are confused of whom you should be because people want you to be like them, know that it is up to you to decide. You can have and believe in their cultures and values but you can’t let it decide who you will become in life. You have the power to decide who you are going to be, just remember where you came from and always have in mind your goals and what you want in life as an independent person. I have decided to follow both my values and show everyone that I can do it. For this exact reason I decided to attend college to succeed in life, to be someone different from what people expected me to be. I know that college would be a good experience that will prepare me to go out to the world. Now I understand that those moments or problems that occurred have helped me define who I will be. I believe that everything that happens does happen for a reason, weather good or bad, but it’s up to us to decide if it’s going to bring us down or help us, picking up the good things from the situation and be someone better and stronger in life.